Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) Page 6

  I walked in my front door without looking back. It was around lunch time and I was looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing for the rest of the day. I spent a good part of my day searching for my iPod with no luck. Worse case I’d just buy a new one. I could afford to, though I knew I should focus on paying off my student loans.

  The next day at work, I got a call from Annie. I had debated about even answering the call, but figured it could be important. She told me that Judge Mathis had requested to see me and James regarding the divorce proceedings. My heart dropped like a brick as I took down the address and meeting time for the next day. We’d had the papers drawn up weeks ago, or so I thought, and I had no idea what to expect next. Annie warned me that we likely wouldn’t be approved for an annulment. Whatever happened, I just wanted it over with.

  The next day as I walked into Judge Mathis’ office, my senses were on high alert. I was waiting in his office, alone. I wasn’t sure if I should’ve expected James or not. The door opened and I turned and recognized the judge who had married James and me on that winter night a few months prior.

  “Cassidy, pleasure to see you again. Though, I wish it was on better circumstances.” We shook hands and he kissed my cheek before taking his seat behind his desk. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No, thank you. I’m all set.” I was gripping my hands together, trying to diffuse my nerves.

  He leaned back in his chair and just stared at me. I was becoming uncomfortable when he finally spoke. “You two seemed so in love.”

  His statement caught me off guard. “Well, sometimes love isn’t enough.”

  “So you still love him?”

  For whatever reason, I didn’t feel like hiding anything from him. What did it matter? “I’ll probably always love him. I believed whole heartedly when I said my vows that he was it for me.”

  “So what changed?” I just stared at him. “I’ll be candid. Sources tell me that you’re pregnant.” The expression on my face must have alarmed him. He sat up quickly, from his laid back position and clarified, “Your secret is safe, but it’s a big decision bringing a baby into the world.”

  “There is no baby, not anymore.”

  “Hmm, I see.”

  “I lost the baby, I didn’t abort it, if that’s what you think.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to presume.”

  “I was ecstatic when I found out we were going to have a baby. Our relationship was the only problem, or lack thereof.”

  “Well, I can’t grant you an annulment. You’ll have to go through the six month separation period before it’s official. At that time, if you still wish to be divorced then I’ll make the process as quick and smooth for you as possible.”

  I’m not sure what I was expecting. Six more months of being MRSJB3 wasn’t really what I had in mind, but there was no getting around it. “Thank you.”

  He shuffled through some papers and placed them in front of me. “I just need you to sign here and here.” I signed my name, Cassidy Benedict, and scoffed when I realized I’d never even had my driver’s license changed over. “Something funny, dear?”

  “No. Sad really. In all the commotion of the last few months I never changed my name on my driver’s license. Guess it never really mattered.”

  He walked around the desk and clasped my hands in his. “It matters dear. If you want my opinion, that boy is a fool. He didn’t have a ring for you that day either. That was his first mistake.”

  My throat tightened at his kind words as I feigned a smile. “He’s a good person. The circumstances were just wrong. Our timing has always been a little off.”

  “Well, I’ll let you get back to your day. You can finalize in November, but I hope you two can work it out.”

  “Thank…” The door opened at that moment and James came walking in.

  “James, I was just telling this lovely creature that I hope you two work it out.” I was mortified and couldn’t look to either of them.

  I reached for my purse and made my exit. “Cassidy, wait.” I continued down the hall and away from prying eyes and ears before he stopped me. “Cassidy, please talk to me.”

  I turned to look at him, mascara running, with no words to throw at him. “What James? You got what you wanted. In six months we’ll both be free.”

  “That’s not what I wanted.”

  “Ditto.” We just stood there staring at one another. “I have to get back to work.” He just nodded and I walked away from him, but I would never be whole again because the core of my heart was with him and always would be. I couldn’t keep fighting for him when he clearly wasn’t going to fight for me. Six months. A lot could change in six months.

  ~ JAMES ~

  After speaking with Judge Mathis, my plan was falling into place. Though I wasn’t sure how much of a plan it was. Annie would call Cassidy to schedule the meeting on Tuesday with the judge and we’d sign the papers. I had spent the rest of Sunday and Monday getting caught up on work and putting the other pieces of my plan into motion. I didn’t like flaunting my money to get what I wanted. But for her, there was no price tag too high for me to pay to show her I loved her. I wasn’t planning to buy her love, just trying to prove my love. If a few grand gestures helped get through to her, then so be it.

  I met with Paul and Smith and got down to business. I pressed Smith on the Dan front. We suspected that he’d left town, but I wanted him caught so that we could all breathe easy again. Paul and I were civil and I hated what I was doing to him. He had no reason to believe that I wanted my wife. Hell, I’d practically handed her to him on a silver platter. I shook the memory away as we discussed the house and other properties of mine.

  “I want to move forward with the house.”

  “Ok. I’ll get started on laying the foundation.”

  “Good. Alright, next. The Blue Horse. I want it gutted.”

  “I thought you were going to sell it?”

  “Nope, change of plans. I have plans for some kind of memorial for my mother. I’ll let you know when I finalize everything.” I knew what my plans were, but I couldn’t risk anything being spoiled. “It’ll be quick, too. I need it finished by mid-September. Remodel and all.”

  “Ok. Just keep me up to date.”

  “Delaney will be in touch. She’s helping with the final design.”

  “Sounds good.”

  That night as I headed to the penthouse, I stepped out of the elevator and ran into Melissa. Her bodyguard was with her and I pulled her aside to speak to her.

  “I wanted to apologize again.”

  “James, it’s ok.” She smiled and rubbed my arm. “You’ve been through a lot, so has Cassidy.” I nodded and she asked, “How is she, the baby?”

  Shit. It dawned on me that she didn’t know. Shaking my head, “She lost the baby.”

  “Oh, God. I didn’t know.”

  “How would you? That reminds me, what happened with the job interview?”

  Snickering, she replied, “It didn’t happen. I’ll find something else.”

  “Melissa, you’re a perfect fit for that job. I think you should try to talk to her.”

  “No, thank you. I’m over getting my head bit off.”

  Smiling, “You two are more alike than you know. Her bark is worse than her bite. Ask her to hear you out. Give her the benefit of the doubt and she may do the same.” She started to say something else and I stopped her. “Seriously. If you want that job, you’re going to have to fight for it. Think about it.” She processed my words for a moment before agreeing to think about it. “Alright. I’ll let you go.” She got in the elevator and I headed to my suite.

  I had Cassidy and music on the brain. I’d been listening to her playlist, the one titled with my name, over and over and working on my own playlist for her. The one year anniversary of the first night I saw her was fast approaching, which meant that it had also been almost a year since Holly’s death. I pulled my tie off and headed up to my room to change.

&n
bsp; I spotted the gift box on my dresser and recalled what was inside. Grabbing the box, I put it in the closet, up high on a shelf and said a silent prayer that one day we’d get good use of the contents inside. Heading back down to my office, I pulled up iTunes and got to work.

  Her playlist had exposed me to some bands I’d never heard of before and one was quickly growing on me. The Airborne Toxic Event had been completely foreign to me and now I couldn’t stop listening to them. The first thing I did was download all of their work and turned it up as I grabbed a pad of paper. It took me moment, but the words started flowing as I spilled my heart out on paper to her. I wasn’t brave enough to give the love notes to her, but one day I would be.

  The next afternoon, I was purposely late to the meeting with Judge Mathis in order to give him some time with her. After I chased her down in the hallway, I froze and let her leave again. I had to pace myself. She wasn’t ready to hear me pour my heart out and I hadn’t been ready either. I headed back to his office and closed the door.

  He smiled at me knowingly, “That girl is still head over heels for you.”

  “I don’t know, she doesn’t act like it.”

  “James, you brought her here to sign separation papers. I wouldn’t expect her to be happy about it. I’m not sure what your plan is, but I’d execute it soon before you lose her for good.” I knew he was right. “I’ve learned in my many years that most women are very forgiving. They just want to be cherished and wanted. Cassidy is no exception. That girl wants you to scream it from the rooftops.”

  “I have some grand gestures up my sleeve. Don’t worry.”

  “Alright. Well, here’s the paperwork. File it or win her back.” I shook his hand knowing I had absolutely no intention of filing that paperwork and went to leave his office. “Hurry up before someone tries to snatch her up.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Thank you.”

  I didn’t need any reminders about Paul and any other suitors who’d come calling when they found out she was single. Of course, she wasn’t single, she just didn’t know that. I pushed down the voice that chastised me about playing with fire. It was a daily struggle to remind myself that I wanted her, no matter what I’d done or been through, and I was going to prove I deserved her.

  The next weekend I went to the club to pass time. I was a silent observer, lurking in the corners while I watched couples seduce each other on the dance floor. I recognized some as regulars, knowing they’d end up downstairs come the end of the night, and others I didn’t. I threw back the rest of my drink and was headed toward the door when I saw her walk in with Paul.

  I backed away so that she wouldn’t see me. Her eyes scanned the room before they lingered over the door leading down stairs to where her desires awaited her. My suspicions were correct. I knew her well enough to know why she was there. It wasn’t for the dancing and drinking. Paul had been down there with me, but it’d been several years. He didn’t mind a little group play, some light bondage, but he was no sub and no Dom. I wondered if she’d opened up to him about her desires, but my gut told me she hadn’t. She was still discovering them and coming to terms with it. If she thought he could give her what she craved, she’d be disappointed.

  I stepped outside and called Annie to discover that she was downstairs as well. The next part of my plan was about to be set into motion.

  Chapter 6 ~ Impressive

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  A couple days after seeing James and Judge Mathis, I was in my office when Linda told me my next appointment had arrived. When Linda walked Melissa back I was mildly annoyed. I’d ignored her calls, knowing it was about the job. I gave her an A for effort. She was savvy. Apparently, I couldn’t avoid her any longer.

  “Linda, close the door. Thank you.” Linda left, closing the door behind her as I requested. “Melissa, have a seat.”

  “Thank you.” She took a seat and I pushed my work aside and took a sip of my coffee. “Thank you for seeing me.”

  “Don’t thank me, yet.” She smiled as I commended her for her efforts. “Pretty smart scheduling an appointment for a wedding planner.”

  “Well, you wouldn’t see me any other way.”

  “True. So, what do you want?”

  She sat up a little straighter and cleared her throat. She was intimidated and I couldn’t figure out why. “I’d like a chance at the job. I’m a great candidate and I believe I’d be a great fit.”

  Sighing, I knew she was right. “Your resume is impressive. I’ve practically memorized it.” I needed her and I think she knew that. Maybe we needed each other. “Ok. You have ninety days to prove to me that I’m making the right choice.”

  Her eyes got big as she exclaimed, “Really?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, “Cecily is confident and your resume speaks for itself. Can you start on Monday?”

  “Yes, hell, I can start today if you want.”

  Laughing, I said, “Monday’s fine. It’s already Friday. Enjoy your last weekend of freedom.” We both chuckled at that. “Wait. It’s a holiday weekend. Make it Tuesday.”

  “Cassidy?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m really sorry about the baby.” I wasn’t expecting to hear that from her and was a little dumbstruck. “Nothing is or was or has gone on with James and me since he met you.”

  “Melissa, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I know, I just had to say it. James is yours and he wants you back, even if he’s too stubborn to say it out loud.”

  “Ok. I can’t hear any more of this.”

  “I understand.”

  “Thank you for coming in. I’ll see you bright and early on Tuesday.” She nodded and we shook hands before she saw her way out.

  I put what she said in the back of my mind. I had plans with Delaney that night and with Paul the next and I couldn’t focus any more of my attention on James, especially if the feeling wasn’t mutual. Life went on, at least that’s what I told myself and what I was trying to do. I had no cares in the world and wanted to live that way. It was time to live life to its fullest and just have a good fucking time.

  ~<>~<>~<>~

  Delaney and I went to dinner and then to the club for some dancing. She didn’t mention James once and I was thankful. She was the most non-judgmental person I’d ever met. She and Smith still boggled my mind. I never would’ve put them together and it turned out that they’d known each other since they graduated high school. She told me a little bit of how they met on summer vacation. She’d spent the summer with her Aunt, in a tourist town, and Smith was working for her Aunt.

  There seemed to be a lot more to their story, but she didn’t dwell on it. I was looking forward to hearing more and wondered if they ever planned on marrying, knowing it wasn’t for everyone. They’d been together for over two years, after rekindling their relationship from an almost decade hiatus. I wanted more details, but I’d have to wait, there was a dance floor waiting for us.

  We were sitting at a table close to the bar, taking a break, when we spotted Roxy and Misty. “Your girls are here.”

  I nearly choked on my drink as I laughed at her statement. “Uh, they’re not my girls.”

  “They’d like to be.” She waggled her brows at me and said, “No judgment! You’re free to do what and who you want.”

  I watched them out of the corner of my eye as I just said, “Mmmhmm.”

  She kicked my leg under the table, “You’re attracted to her!”

  “Ow! What? Who?”

  “Please, Cassidy. She’s fun, they both are.” I open-mouth gawked at her. “Or so I hear.” She winked and took another sip of her drink.

  I was more than attracted to her, them. Fucking hell. I’d always admired the female body, but never found myself attracted to one. Not the way I was attracted to Roxy and Misty. Before I could think on it anymore, Delaney pulled me into the throngs of people as we danced and danced some more.

  That night when I got home, I found myself pleasuring myself in bed, again
. It was becoming a habit, but that time the bodies I imagined around me weren’t male bodies. Shit! Roxy and Misty had tried persuading me to stay and I had found myself in a precarious situation in the restroom with them.

  “Come home with us.”

  “Better yet, come down stairs with us.”

  “I, um, I really shouldn’t…” I’d spent some time on the dance floor with them and Delaney, but I wasn’t making out with her. Roxy leaned in and kissed me just under my ear, sending a shiver through me.

  “Cassidy, you staying or going.” Delaney stood at the entrance of the bathroom, smirk in place, as Misty and Roxy hovered around me.

  “Not tonight girls.” I pulled myself away and walked toward Delaney.”

  “We’ll be here next weekend too.”

  I closed my eyes as the ending sensations from my orgasm flowed through me. I drifted off reminding myself that I deserved some fun and there was nothing wrong with a little experimentation. It would just have to wait. Maybe until next weekend.

  ~ PAUL ~

  It was Saturday, and I had a date with Cassidy. I vaguely wondered if she realized I was considering it a date. I stopped and picked her up some flowers before making my way to her place. When I pulled up, her security detail left after we spoke. James, had lightened the reins slightly. The only time she had someone watching her was when she was alone. She was slowly getting her freedom back and I knew she was happy about that.

  We went to dinner and a movie before we debated our next move. I wanted to invite her back to my place, but didn’t want to be presumptuous. It was a first date after all and I didn’t want to move too fast. I decided then that I should be the gentleman and take her home.

  Walking her to the door, she invited me in. I struggled with the decision and kissed her goodnight. Of course the kiss became heated and she pulled me inside. Fuck it. We were both consenting adults. Once the door was closed, I pushed her up against it while finding her hands and locking our hands together. Pressing my body against hers, she pushed back, eliciting a moan from both of us.