Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) Page 5

  “You ok?”

  Scoffing, I took a sip of the coffee and cringed. “What is with you and your black coffee?” He smirked at me as I chastised him, “It’s gross!”

  “There’s three sugars in there!”

  “Creamer, Calvin. It needs creamer!”

  “Come on. I think there’s some inside. Jane’s making breakfast.”

  We didn’t talk about anything else, just ignored the elephant in the room. Sitting at the counter, Paul walked in and I remembered kissing him the night before. Shit! What if he was the one who warmed my bed last night and not James? I pinched the bridge of my nose, willing the ache to go away. Then I started thinking about the kiss with Paul. It was nice, no, more than nice. Then I started cursing myself. I was a slut and I was going to die a filthy whore death.

  “Here.” I looked up as Delaney slid a glass across the counter to me. “It’ll help with the headache.” I looked at the green contents and back to her. “Promise. Just chug it.”

  I did as she suggested and gagged when I was done. “What’s in that? Never mind, I don’t want to know.”

  Breakfast continued in a normal fashion. I caught Paul staring at me a couple of times and tried to play it off. Life had to go on. There was no other choice. If James wanted me to move on, I’d move on. I was young, single, eligible. Shit. I wasn’t eligible. Fucking hell.

  Later that day we were all out by the pool. It was open, though the weather was still a little cool. The guys dove in as Delaney, Jane and I watched. We were in robes, with our swim suits underneath, and decided to sit by the fire. We’d spent the day hiking and riding four-wheelers. I’d had a ton of fun. By default, I was with Paul all day since everyone else was coupled up. It was nice spending time with him. Cal had pulled me aside just to tell me to take it slow. I assured him there was nothing to worry about. And there wasn’t. It was none of his damn business anyway.

  “We need music and drinks, Delaney!”

  “On it. You get the music and I’ll get the drinks!” She and I popped up and walked inside as Jane sat by the fire playing on her phone. “Grab your phone, there’s a music dock outside.” I looked to Delaney as she added, “There’s surround sound out there.”

  “Awesome.”

  She grabbed the margarita maker, the mix, as I helped and we setup on the outdoor bar. Once the drinks were mixed, she hooked up my phone and I skimmed through my songs. I knew exactly what I wanted to hear. Coconut by Harry Nilsson started filling the air. Delaney and I immediately started swaying around the fire like goofballs and pulled Jane up with us as we sipped on our margaritas.

  We’d removed our robes and were swinging around in nothing but our swimsuits. We were all caught off guard when the guys snuck up behind us and grabbed us, each in their own fashion. Delaney was over Smith’s shoulder, Jane swooped in Cal’s arms and Paul had his arms encircled around me. We were all begging and pleading, knowing how cold that water was.

  “Paul, don’t you dare!”

  “Sorry, gorgeous. We made a deal.”

  “We?” Before I could inquire further he was pulling us to the edge. “No, no, no, shit. Paul!” And we were in the water. As my head bobbed to the surface, all that could be heard was Delaney, Jane and I cursing the guys. “Holy shit, its cold!”

  “Stop being a wuss. It’s not that cold.”

  “I’ll show you a wuss, Paul Vincent!”

  I jumped on his back and tried taking him under. It wasn’t an easy task or he just conceded as he went under and took me with him. We were face to face when we came back up. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Jane scrambling to get out of the pool. She was shivering as my brother helped put the robe around her. They ran off inside without another word to us. Delaney and Smith followed behind them. Smith seemed mildly perturbed, but I wasn’t sure about what, and tried to put it in the back of my mind.

  “Your lips are turning blue.” I looked back to Paul as he said, “The hot tub. Want to get in?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I replied, “Yes, I’m freezing.”

  “They’ll be back.” He motioned toward the house. I wasn’t so sure about that. He sat down across from me as we sat in an awkward silence. “Cassidy…”

  “Paul…”

  We both chuckled after saying the other’s name at the same time.

  “You first.”

  “No, it’s ok. You go first.” Tilting his head at me I said, “I insist.”

  He examined me for a moment before taking a deep breath. “You kissed me last night.”

  Immediately, I felt myself blush as I looked away. “You kissed me back.”

  “Yes, I did.” We sat quiet for another moment. “I didn’t let you go, not like you think I did.” It took me a moment to remember what I’d said to him the night before as I tried to explain myself, but he stopped me. “Cass, just let me talk.” I nodded and waited for him to continue. “When I got back to base I wrote you a letter every day, sometimes more.” His gaze penetrated me as I struggled to keep eye contact, “I know, you never got any. Just sit and listen.”

  I sat and listened as he told me things that I had no clue about. He had returned to base to discover the girl he’d been with, prior to meeting me, was pregnant. He did what he thought was the right thing and married her and never mailed my letters. I admired that in him—he was right about that. As he continued, the story became more and more messed up. Cal had cut off all ties with him when he married Cora and ultimately Paul and Cora were sent to a different base. The same base that James and Smith were stationed at.

  He hadn’t met them right away, but apparently Cora had. I stopped him from telling me anymore. I didn’t want to hear or know about James’ involvement with a married woman, but Paul insisted.

  “Cass, he didn’t know she was married. Cora really fucked him up. Smith and I became friends and he built the bridge between James and me. The three of us were sent on a tour before the baby came. When I received word that the baby had been born, I got divorce papers at the same time. Cora vanished, with my child and I was on the other side of the world, helpless to do anything about it.”

  “Oh, my God, Paul.”

  “Anyways. I was able to go home a few weeks later for some R & R to discover she’d had a paternity test done. The child wasn’t mine.”

  “James?”

  He laughed, “No. I ran into her a year later and that little girl was not fathered by either of us. Let’s just leave it at that. I wouldn’t have needed the paternity test to prove it wasn’t mine.”

  I busted up laughing. “Sorry. That’s funny. No wonder she left. But, she should’ve told you.”

  “Agreed. Anyways. After that, James, Smith and I were tighter than ever. We did a few tours together, until we were both injured. James and I recovered in a hospital in Germany while Smith finished his tour. James saved us both, and almost lost his life while doing it. I owe him my life.”

  “Paul, I had no idea. He won’t talk to me about it. I know he has nightmares, but…”

  “It’s not an easy thing and we all deal with it differently. We saw, did and experienced some horrible shit.”

  I was finally beginning to understand as Paul continued telling me more about his time in the Army. I felt like a complete shithead that I’d given James such a hard time, but also didn’t understand why he couldn’t just explain it the way Paul had. Paul didn’t seem to mind talking about it.

  “He seems to carry a lot of guilt.”

  “He does. We lost almost our entire platoon that day. That fucks you up, especially when you’re our leader.” I wiped a tear away as I felt the gravity of the pressure James had been carrying on his shoulders. “Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  I shook my head, “No, it’s ok. At least I understand a little bit more.” It helped, but it didn’t change anything. James and I weren’t going to work, at least that’s what I told myself, and I was on my way to being single again.

  Paul slid in closer to
me as his fingertips grazed my jaw. “Cassidy, I should’ve come back to find you. It’s my biggest regret. Letting you go.”

  I looked into his blue eyes, the eyes that branded me when I’d lost my virginity, the eyes that sparked when I said those three little words for the first time. “You found me now.” I tried smiling at him as his eyes traveled my face.

  “Yes, I did.” He leaned in as I held my breath. I wanted him to kiss me and when his eyes met mine, asking for permission, I consented. His lips tentatively brushed against mine as his hand cupped my cheek.

  He took his time as his close-mouthed kisses moved and began to decorate my jawline. He was clean-shaven, not something I was used to. His hands held the side of my face as my hands held onto his inked forearms. If I touched any other part of him, I knew I would come unhinged.

  Chapter 5 ~ Permission

  ~ PAUL ~

  Her eyes met mine and the slight nod of her head was the only permission I needed. Cupping her face I let my lips touch hers. The song overhead changed and I smiled because the song reminded me of her. Look at You by Big & Rich serenaded us as I trailed kisses along her face in the hot tub. Her delicate hands gripped my lower arms and I felt her nails dig in slightly. Her breathing was labored as my cock pressed against my swim trunks, eager for an escape.

  I had to take it slow, I should have stopped it, but I wanted her more than reason, or the devil himself could have bargained for. When my lips made their way back to her mouth, her tongue greeted mine. She tasted like tequila and sugar and I wanted more. As I pulled her closer, her arms moved to my shoulders as she floated into my lap.

  Memories of that summer long ago drifted through my mind. It seemed that making out was something we were both good at then and that night in the hot tub. Hesitantly, my hands skimmed down her back as her tongue caressed mine. I was aching to pull her closer, but I didn’t want to move too fast.

  She pulled back, gasping for air. I dropped my head to her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry.”

  “Shh, Paul. I’m a big girl.”

  She lifted my chin and as my eyes met hers, she straddled my lap, but kept a safe distance away from my bulging erection. She kissed me and as her hands held the back of my head, my own ran up and down her thighs. She moaned when my hands began to travel her hips and she inched a little closer. My hands squeezed her ass as another moan escaped her lips. Sliding closer, she pressed her mound to me and we both reacted.

  “Oh, I just want to feel good.” Her lips seared along my neck as I rubbed against her again. “Oh, Paul, make me feel good.”

  “Anything you want, Cass.”

  What sounded like a door slamming, ripped us from our moment. She jumped in my lap and pushed herself to arm’s length as she looked around. There were a couple lights on in the house, but we were still alone, as far as we knew.

  “Paul, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. I meant to take it slower. I’m sorry.”

  We agreed to call it a night and I helped her put her robe on before we headed back inside. I walked her to her room and debated about kissing her goodnight, when she snuck inside. Smiling, she told me she’d see me in the morning and then closed the door.

  Bracing my hands on the door frame to her room, I dropped my head and groaned. I took in a deep breath and turned to see Delaney in the hall, staring at me. She just raised her eyebrows at me before turning away and headed down the stairs. Curiosity got the better of me and I followed her down. I found her in the kitchen making a sandwich and I took her up on her offer to make me one. We sat in silence as we finished our midnight snack.

  “You’re playing with fire Paul Vincent.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her and asked, “How so?”

  “You’ll just get burned in the end.”

  Now I was getting annoyed. “At the end of what?”

  “You’re both consenting adults, and I don’t really care who fucks who, but she’ll pick James and he’ll pick her.” I didn’t know what to say. “I thought you should know.”

  “We’ll see. James seems to only be picking himself.”

  “Touché.”

  I liked Delaney’s candor, though the topic mildly irritated me. We, James and I, both had our own history with Cassidy and I believed mine would win. If I hadn’t, I never would’ve pursued her. I believed with every, well almost every, part of myself that she was meant for me. I was willing to walk through the depths of hell to prove it.

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I closed the door on Paul and sank against the door. My head was a mess and so was my heart. The chlorine that I was covered in filled my nostrils and I headed for the shower. Turning the water on, I climbed in after removing my swim suit. I shampooed my hair and as I rubbed the soapy loofah over my skin, my core tingled and my lips ached as I remembered Paul’s kiss from the hot tub. My body was aching for a release and I was going to oblige.

  I glanced at the removable shower head and pulled it down as the many jets of the shower soaked my body. Leaning against the wall, I rubbed my breasts and imagined Paul’s mouth there as the showerhead in my other hand tickled my clit. My eyes played a trick on me as I opened them and imagined James. Blinking once, I reopened my eyes and he was gone. I closed my eyes again and imagined James in front of me. His hands traveled down my front and then he kneeled down in front of me. His mouth moved over me as I leaned my body against Paul.

  Paul’s hands traveled my torso while his lips sucked on my neck. James, still on his knees, lapped at my juices while two fingers entered me. I imagined reaching behind me and stroking Paul’s cock as James tongued me into oblivion.

  “Always, only, forever you, Blackbird.”

  “Anything you want, Cass.”

  Their words filled my ears and drove me closer to the edge. The orgasm that flooded me had me trembling against the shower wall. When my eyes opened, my fantasy faded away. A girl was allowed to dream, right? And a dream it was. I finished my shower and climbed into bed, a faint throb still lingering between my legs.

  I was dreaming, or at least I thought I might be. Blindfolded and tied to the bed, hands roamed my body. I was aware that more than one pair traveled along my skin as a pair of lips lingered on my lower back. A hand moved down the curve of my hip, toward my inner thigh. My hips rose as I sought out a deeper and more meaningful caress.

  “Soon, Blackbird.” His voice near my ear alerted me that his was not the mouth on my back.

  “James?”

  “Just relax, enjoy the pleasure.”

  Someone knelt between my legs and lifted my hips slightly when there was a knock on the door. “Tell them to go away!”

  “Anything you want…”

  “Paul?”

  The knock on the door came again and this time it was Jane’s voice I heard. “Cassidy, you hungry? I’m coming in.”

  I rolled over, vaguely aware of the pillow between my legs. I had been dreaming. Shit! What was wrong with me? Jane poked her head in as I waved to her.

  “Hey, you ready to hit the road soon?” I nodded. “Sorry, I know it’s early. I have to work tonight so…”

  “It’s ok. Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be down.”

  “Ok.”

  She seemed like she wanted to ask me something, but wasn’t sure if she should. “Mind your business Jane, or tell Cal to!” She laughed at that before nodding her head and leaving the room.

  On the drive home I was remembering the day Cal had come to the house. He was furious, ecstatic, overly-protective, and just plain concerned. It was the day after my miscarriage and I hadn’t even told him I was pregnant yet. It was a mess.

  “Cass, Jane told me. You’re pregnant!” I was unable to speak as I felt myself pale. “What’s wrong? That’s a dumb question, I know what’s wrong. What can I do to help? Want me to rough him up again?”

  That got a small chuckle from me as I shook my head. “You should sit down.”

  We walked over to my couch a
nd sat down. “I can’t believe my baby sister is going to be a Momma!”

  “Cal, there’s no baby.” He looked dumbfounded.

  “What do you mean? Jane said…”

  “I lost the baby on Sunday.” I watched as he tried to process my words. I should’ve told him from the beginning.

  “But, how?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Sometimes these things happen, that’s what the doctor said anyway.”

  “It’s because of him, isn’t it?”

  “Cal, there really is nothing anyone could’ve done. I imagine Jane told you that I fell down the stairs. I’m sorry I kept it from you. I’m a klutz, we all know this.”

  “You wouldn’t have fallen down those stairs if it wasn’t for him!”

  “Cal, we don’t know. I had started spotting lightly earlier that day. It’s just too complicated, there’s really no way to know why. Please, let it go.”

  The tears were filling my eyes as he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. “Cassidy, I’m so sorry.”

  “I know. I am, too.”

  I exhaled a big breath and shook the memory away. We were close to home and Jane and Paul both appeared to be asleep. Cal caught my eye in the rearview mirror and smiled.

  “Don’t jump into anything new, too quick sis.”

  I rolled my eyes at him, responding, “Calvin David, mind your own damn business.”

  “Cass…”

  “CAL!”

  He put a hand up in defense, “Ok, ok. Geesh.”

  “I love you, but don’t.”

  Jane lifted her head and scolded Cal with her eyes before looking back to me and winking. Paul still seemed to be asleep and I was grateful for that. Cal dropped me off first and Paul jumped out as I closed the truck door.

  “Cassidy?”

  Turning to look at him, I smiled. “Be patient with me, Paul.” He nodded and dug his hands into his front pockets. I leaned up and kissed him on his cheek. “Call me.”