Trust (Blind Vows #1) Read online

  “You know what I mean.” He sneered at me and just shook his head.

  “I’m proving a point.” Sucking on my lips, I couldn’t kiss him back, too lost in the orgasm that was working its way to the surface. “I’m no hedonist. This is about you. Only you.”

  “Please…”

  Soon his thumb joined in the task, circling my clit. Grabbing his other hand, I put it back to my neck and squeezed his hand. He knew what I wanted and held me in place, pressing his body against me.

  “Oh, God. Right there. Don’t stop.”

  “Louder!”

  He picked up his pace as I continued crying out. Finally, my orgasm took over as I cried out his name. “Heath! Oh, yes, ohhh.”

  A few minutes later, hell, maybe it was just seconds, he pulled his fingers out of my body. I was still trembling as his eyes penetrated my own. He ran his wet fingers over my lips before placing them in his mouth and sucking them clean. Groaning at the sensuality of it, I pulled his mouth to mine and kissed away the remnants of my orgasm from his lips.

  Suddenly, I heard clapping and turned. I was mortified. Will was standing not more than ten feet away, puffing on a cigarette. “That was hot. Well done.” Taking a drag, he pulled it out of his mouth and offered it over. “If that doesn’t call for a smoke, nothing does.”

  ~ Chapter 4 ~

  Oh, my God! Had he seen it all? Frantically, I pulled my leggings back up and turned to fix my bra, trying to put myself back together. Heath stood between us, but wasn’t saying a word. Why wasn’t he telling Will to get the hell out of there?

  “Took you long enough. I only handed her to you on a silver platter ten years ago.”

  What the fuck?

  “Fuck you, Will.” Finally, Heath spoke.

  “Please, we all know I could’ve had her in my bed ten years ago if I wanted. I did you a solid. I just didn’t know you’d take so long to close the deal.”

  I was shaking I was so angry. Before I knew it, Heath clocked Will across the jaw. I was so embarrassed. I had to get out of there. Running back in the exit we’d walked through a short time earlier, I scurried to our table.

  Jaime was heading out and I seized the opening and walked her out to her car that was parked in front of my building. After she pulled away, I ran inside. Dropping back against my door, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Just when I figured the coast was clear, my body bounced with the knock that came on the door. Stacey? Please, let it be Stacey.

  I opened the door without thought and instead was greeted with his brooding face. “What the hell did you mean you’re spoken for?”

  This dude was pissing me off and I wasn’t about to elaborate. Not now. “Really? That’s what you want to talk about? Heath, you need to leave.” Making his way inside, I slammed the door in frustration and waited. He turned and we entered a stare off. Neither of us willing to budge or say anything.

  After God knows how long, I caved. “Heath. Please. I don’t want to do this with you.”

  “That’s not answering my question. Who is he?”

  I was growing agitated and old pains were resurfacing. “Didn’t you toy with my heart enough that summer? How could I ever trust you?” He took a deep breath and turned away. “And just now. Did you know he was watching? I, I can’t do this with you.”

  I watched him run his hands through his hair before he turned back to me. “What does it matter if he saw? And haven’t I paid for my crimes? I was a stupid eighteen year old boy. I didn’t expect you to be so hurt.”

  “Then what did you expect? I was fifteen Heath. You were my first kiss and let me believe you were William the entire time. If O hadn’t walked in on us, who knows what else I would’ve given you.”

  “You were so infatuated with him. I was jealous.”

  “Jealous of what? You always treated me like the kid sister you never wanted.”

  He crossed the room and looked into my eyes. I couldn’t bear to look at him, trying to turn away, but he held my face, forcing his eyes upon mine. Slowly, enunciating every word he repeated, “I was a stupid boy, Lucy. Please.”

  “I…”

  “You wrecked my whole world and everything I thought I knew that summer.”

  “You weren’t the only one who was wrecked, Heath.” My voice cracked and was barely above a whisper.

  “I know I’m not the only one who feels it. The way your body reacted to mine last time I was here and just now in the alley. I know you feel it.”

  “You mean when you stopped and said I was like a sister and you couldn’t do it, do ME?”

  “Dammit, Lucy. Stop twisting my words. What about just now, in the alley?”

  All I could remember was what his brother had said. I felt like some chew toy they were playing tug of war with. “You won’t remember anything in the morning.” I glared at him demanding, “Am I twisting that?”

  He pushed himself away from me and paced my floor. “Lucy…”

  “Heath, what do you want from me?”

  In two long strides, he closed the distance between us and crashed his lips against mine. My body tensed and immediately turned to jello as his arms held me against him. His body was crouched over, accommodating our height difference. God how I wanted to just let him have his way with me, or have my way with him, again, but there was one simple problem. I didn’t trust him.

  His beard tickled down my neck as he nipped and sucked on my flesh. A tremor coursed through my slight frame and it wasn’t missed by him. Growling in approval, his hands kneaded my back before reaching my ass.

  I had to stop it. “Heath, please…”

  “Please, what?” There was a slight ring of humor in his voice and I knew what I was about to say wasn’t what he was expecting.

  “Stop. You have to stop.”

  Leaning up, his eyes searched mine. “Why?”

  It broke my heart to say it, but it had to be said. “I don’t trust you. We can’t do this.” He tentatively released me and I backed away from him. I could see the hurt that flashed across his face before it turned to stone.

  “I would never…”

  Cutting him off I said, “You already have.”

  “So, that’s it? No looking back. No regrets, Lucy? Because I know I have them. I’m trying to fix it!”

  That was the problem. We couldn’t be fixed. You could only fix something that was broken and we were never broken because we were never really one. I sat on the couch and put the wall up. The tears may have been falling, but I shut down. I could not do this, not with him. There was too much history between us and I didn’t know if that hurt our chances or bettered them.

  “Once I leave, I’m not coming back.” His legs were a blur in my distorted vision. I heard him take a deep breath before he spit out. “Ok. I get it. I thought you were a risk taker. Apparently I was wrong. We’re done. I won’t bother you again.”

  I jumped when the door slammed shut behind him. Falling on my side, I curled up on the couch and prayed I’d made the right choice. I was a risk taker. I just wasn’t willing to risk my heart on him.

  Several months passed and I didn’t see or hear from him. I caught myself looking for him at the bar when I was there and never found him. Was it possible that I missed him? He had been a fixture in my life for so long that I attributed my sense of loss to that. The hurt passed and like a minor scrape, it healed. The scar that remained only visible to me.

  ~ Chapter 5 ~

  It was a Friday when I got the phone call. This was the event that I was convinced changed the course of my life. Silly me. That event had already happened.

  I couldn’t believe it! They found a match for me. Forcing myself to take some deep breaths, I sat down on my couch, after I dropped my purse down next to me. I may or may not have fist pumped my hands and stomped my feet on the floor, one after the other. Then the gravity of it hit me. How to tell my family and friends? Errr, maybe it’d be best if I didn’t tell them. Shit! Why hadn’t I thought about that part? I didn�
�t think there was any chance they’d find my match so I hadn’t worried about what I’d tell everyone. Joke was on me!

  So the joke was now becoming a reality. Why I hadn’t run for the hills when the details were spilled was beyond me. The idea intrigued me, maybe it was the hopeless romantic in me. Hours and hours were spent answering questions and filling out forms. I was still convinced that the panelists knew more about me than I did. I never expected to hear back and didn’t recognize the number when it flashed across my cell phone.

  “Lucy, its Dr. Phillips. Can you stop by my office today after work?”

  “Sure. Everything ok?”

  “Yes. We just have a few more questions for you.”

  After work I had made my way to her office and all five panelists were there. Nervously, I sat down as they each asked how I’d been.

  “So, what would you say if we told you we found your match?”

  I gasped, thinking it was a joke. “What?!”

  “We found your match.”

  They found my match and we were getting married IN THREE WEEKS! They had originally been skeptical given my age and I understood. I’d just recently turned twenty-five and met their age minimum requirement by four days.

  I sat and debated who the hell to call first?

  “Oh, my God! O.M.G. Holy mother…”

  My phone began ringing and it was Stacey, like she could sense me thinking about her in the force. We both had a knack for calling just when we needed one another.

  “Hey! I was just thinking about you.” I listened to her chatter on and we agreed to meet at the bar down the street for dinner and drinks.

  I changed into some jeans and flats before grabbing my purse and headed out the door. Walking past her apartment it all hit me. Crap! Living in the same building as Stacey would most likely change after I was married. I had no idea where my match lived, only knowing we were in the same Metropolitan area. My stomach flipped at the thought. I was getting married and I couldn’t imagine my husband would want to live in my dinky apartment.

  Stacey was that one friend. You know, the one who’s against marriage and all things commitment. It was humorous and sad at the same time, considering she was the only one of my friends who’d been married and was already divorced. She’d married her boyfriend of two years in Vegas and they divorced less than a year later, but theirs was a story for another day.

  We sat down in our usual booth across from each other. The waitress came right over and took our drink order. We exchanged our typical daily blow by blows. Ha! Wait until she heard what I had to say. The waitress set our drinks down.

  She eyed me carefully. “Spill it, ho! You have a secret.”

  I took a long sip of my drink, through the ridiculously thin straw, and rolled my eyes at her. “You could say that.” She was going to flip her lid. “I’m getting married.”

  She just stared at me like what I’d just said was the most believable thing ever. “Ha, ha. And I’m the next Princess Diana!” When I pursed my lips together, swirling my drink with the ridiculously thin straw, and remained silent, she spoke. “What the FUCK? Are you serious!?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I couldn’t contain my giggle when I confirmed it. “Yup. Remember that article you read in the paper?”

  “Shut. Your. Face.”

  “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think there was any way in hell I’d get picked.”

  “Hang on. I need something stronger before I listen to any more.”

  Stacey flagged down our waitress and ordered a round of shots for us and some chips and guacamole. Once the waitress set down the small glasses, Stacey threw back her shot and asked for another. Oh, boy. It was going to be one of those nights. Well, so be it. Once the waitress had replaced the empty shot glass with another, along with our appetizer, we each dug into the chips.

  “Ok. So, who is he?”

  “Well, that’s the thing. I don’t know.”

  “When do you get to meet him?” I just stared at her. “You mean, seriously? I thought that was a joke. You don’t get to meet him till that day!” Looking down at the chip in her hand, she mumbled, “I thought I was the crazy one!”

  “Stacey!”

  “No. It’s a good thing. You’re sure?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, “Is anything ever for sure? I’ve had no luck on the dating sites, you know this, and I’ve been single for two years. I want…more. I feel like part of me is missing and I don’t want to keep waiting for him to find me. I want to find him, too!” She didn’t say anything. “Stacey, please say you’ll support me in this.”

  “Bitch. Of course I support you. You’re crazy, but I support you. If this works, maybe I’ll try it.” We both laughed. “So, when’s the big day?”

  “Saturday, in three weeks.” She started choking on her drink as I giggled.

  “Do Rick and Rhonda know?” Rick and Rhonda were my parents and I didn’t have to say anything for Stacey to know that I hadn’t told them. “Want me to come with you?”

  “I don’t know. They’re weird. You know how they are.”

  She laughed knowingly at my comment. My parents were hell-bent on me marrying one of the Kerrigan boys, but could never agree on one, and I’m sure the thought of an arranged marriage was foreign to even them. Now I was doing just that.

  “They’re going to be heartbroken that you’re not marrying one of the five Kerry boys.”

  “Kerrigan.” I corrected her. This was a constant thing. I don’t know if she said their name wrong just to annoy me, but it worked.

  Heading to my parents’ house the next morning, the nerves filled me as I debated on how I was going to tell them. Flipping through my songs, I turned the speakers up and lost myself in the lyrics. Believe by Mumford and Sons is what I decided on. Thoughts of him ran rampant through my head, like an intruder, I begged him to leave.

  Part of me wanted to call Heath, though I wasn’t even sure if I had his number, and confront him, yet part of me knew it was a lost cause. I hate him. That’s what I kept telling myself. At least, I wanted to hate him. We could never work.

  “Stupid fucking ridiculous childhood crush. That’s all it is!” Though I always made myself believe my crush was on Will. And, maybe it was, until that summer. The tears began falling and my head started pounding again as I remembered the night in the alley. “Let it go, Lucy. Something even better is waiting for you. You just have to believe.”

  I made it to my childhood home an hour later, just in time for lunch. Sitting down on the couch, my mom brought sandwiches out for all of us. She made my favorite; turkey and Muenster on a lightly toasted bagel. I took a bite knowing I needed to get some food into me. I was almost done when Dad broke the silence.

  “What’s going on, kiddo?”

  Taking a deep breath I decide to just spill it. “I’m getting married.”

  ~ Chapter 6 ~

  They took the news a lot better than I thought they would, once they realized I wasn’t joking. I explained the whole thing to them and they listened attentively. My older brother was married with kids and I knew they wanted the same thing for me. I made them promise to keep it to themselves. I didn’t want the Kerrigan’s knowing, only wanting immediate family and my closest friends in attendance. Reluctantly, they agreed.

  “So, what happens if on paper you’re a match, but in person you’re not?”

  “We have to agree to give it a good try for two months. After two months we have to decide whether to stay married or to get a divorce.”

  “Wow.”

  “I know it’s a lot to take in. I trust the panelists and that they have my best interests at heart. It’s all about trust, in them and in him; whoever he is.”

  “More like blind trust.”

  “You could say that.” ‘

  “I just wish we knew something, anything, about him.”

  “Give me some credit, Dad. I’m picky and the panelists have my mile long list of wants, desires, and dislikes.”
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  “I sure hope so!”

  I smiled at my Dad and then asked the inevitable. “Will you give me away?”

  Standing up, he embraced me, “Of course. No one else gets that privilege but me.”

  Heading back to the city, Stacey, Jaime, and I were meeting to go dress shopping. I had no time to waste. I probably should’ve invited my mom, but I think she needed time to decompress everything. They said they supported me, though it’s not what they had planned for me. At least they knew enough to know that their plans for their little girl weren’t the same plans I had for myself. It wasn’t necessarily what I had planned either, but something about the whole thing felt right, like divine intervention or fate.

  A majority of the wedding plans were taken care of for me. I just had to find a dress and be to the church on time. I didn’t even know my groom’s name and I wouldn’t know it until I met him at the altar. I must have been out of my mind. How was it that the panelists didn’t have me committed? Maybe they figured marrying me off to a complete stranger was better punishment.

  Stacey and Jaime met me at the retail bridal salon and we started pulling dresses off the racks. Jaime was even more supportive than Stacey was. We’d all been friends for a few years, having met in college. Jaime was almost nine months pregnant by then, with her first child. The father, her college sweetheart, Beau, though they weren’t married, yet.

  “So when is your baby daddy going to put a ring on it?”

  “Hell if I know, but he better hurry up.”

  Stacey and I shared a glance, knowing that Beau already had the ring. What the hell was he waiting for? I found a dress quicker than I thought possible. The three of us shed some tears, Jaime more than me and she blamed the hormones.

  “I can’t believe you’re doing this!”

  “I know! I’m so excited and ready for this.” Hesitating, I add, “I just hope he likes me.”

  “Girl, are you crazy? You’re smoking hot and you’re a keeper. Any man would be lucky to have you. Speaking of, what the hell happened between you and Heath?”