Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) Read online

  Letting Go of Us

  Anchored Hearts

  Vol. 3

  By: J.M. Witt

  Copyright 2014, 2015 © J.M. Witt

  Cover Artist: Kellie Dennis at Book Cover by Design

  Photographer: Michael Meadows

  Models: Matthew Maguire & Carolina Kenney

  Editor: Leticia Sidon

  Publisher: J.M. Witt Books

  All Rights Reserved 2014.

  This book may not be reproduced in any form; in whole or in part, without written permission by the author.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  All characters and events in this book are fictional. Any similarities to real life people and events are purely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2014, 2015 J.M. Witt

  All Rights Reserved 2014, 2015

  ISBN: 978-0692347881

  Acknowledgments

  Rick: Thank you for your support and encouragement. It means the world to me that you’re proud of me, even if it is smut! Smut to be proud of!

  My children: Please get along and play nicely so mommy can keep writing for her fans!

  Betsy: Thank you times infinity. You’ve pulled me back from the ledge more than once. I love you!

  Letty: You’ve held my hand through this process more than you know. Thank you so much!!

  All my friends: Thank you for taking a leap of faith on me. Your support means the world to me.

  Kellie Dennis: You’ve given me five amazing covers for this series. Thank you so much.

  Matt Maguire: Thank you for joining me on this journey. My readers love and hate your character. Don’t worry, you’ll be redeemed in this book! Thank you!

  Carolina Kenney: Thank you for stepping in to this with no clue what you were getting into.

  Bloggers: There are so many of you to thank. I can’t name names because I’ll just shoot myself in the foot. Without your support I wouldn’t be here today. Thank you.

  Betas: My loves, my bitches. I love you girls. Angela, Tracey, Tami, Jasmine, Elaine, Betsy, Marina, Lisa, Melanie, Letty, Jessica, and Rebecca. THANK YOU! I’m so thankful to have you girls. You’ll never know how much your support means to me. The last couple months have been wonderful and I look forward to many more. I can’t wait to meet you ALL!

  Skye & Tyf: What can I possibly say to thank you? You girls are my rocks and my bff’s. I’m so honored and blessed to call you mentors as well as friends. Without you, I’d never be able to shake it off!

  My fans: Wow. That never gets old. Your loyalty has blown me away. Thank you a million times over. I hope that my words touch your heart. Remember, nothing is worth having if you’re not fighting for it. Anchor your heart!

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1 Finished

  Chapter 2 Heartbeat

  Chapter 3 Lost

  Chapter 4 Revenge

  Chapter 5 Permission

  Chapter 6 Impressive

  Chapter 7 Ashamed

  Chapter 8 Broken

  Chapter 9 Illuminated

  Chapter 10 Stay

  Chapter 11 Therapy

  Chapter 12 Foundations

  Chapter 13 Unbreakable

  Chapter 14 Fireworks

  Chapter 15 Miracle

  Chapter 16 Hostage

  Chapter 17 Amnesia

  Chapter 18 Unhinged

  Chapter 19 Alone

  Chapter 20 Tension

  Chapter 21 Consummate

  Chapter 22 Desperate

  Chapter 23 Dedication

  Chapter 24 Forever

  Epilogue

  Playlist

  Chapter 1 ~ Finished

  ~ JAMES ~

  Rainbow. I couldn’t believe she’d said it. We weren’t even doing anything. But she meant it. She knew that if she said that word, it was done, over, finished, everything we had. Gone. One simple word. I was trying to explain to her, get her to listen, I was getting ready to do anything just to have her back. At least, I wanted to try.

  Instead, she crucified my soul with that one word. Now I had a fucking tattoo as a daily reminder of what happens when you let someone capture your heart. FUCK. It was the exact reason I had the no kissing, no emotions rule with all my subs. I was so damn mad. I stormed into the penthouse, a rage fueling every move. Running up the stairs, two at a time, I ran into Melissa in the hallway. It’d been a long time since rage had fueled my desire, except that night at the club with Cassidy a few weeks back. Not my finest moment. My cock twitched as I closed the distance between Melissa and I.

  Melissa backed up against the wall shaking her head at me. I wanted to sink my dick into a hot, trembling pussy, but not hers. Growling, I quickly turned from Melissa and made my way to my room. Stripping out of my clothes, I pulled on some shorts and went to my workout room. Taping my hands the best I could I began decimating the bag.

  By the time I was done I could barely pick my sorry ass up off the floor. Melissa, nowhere to be found, was either locked in her room or she’d left. I couldn’t blame her either way. We’d come to terms with the fact that we weren’t good together, not compatible. Melissa and I had attempted a Dom/sub relationship, but it hadn’t worked. I was too Dom and she wasn’t sub enough.

  All I wanted was my bed, and Cassidy. My Blackbird. And I could never have her again. Safe words were there for a reason. They were the ‘out’ for any sub. Clearly she wanted out.

  ~ PAUL ~

  Things had been extremely tense around the office. I had been avoiding James at all costs. From what Cassidy had told me, when she wasn’t sobbing, they had ended things. Divorce papers were being drawn up. I felt horrible for her, knowing the pain she was going through. But, selfishly, I wanted a second chance with her and it was so close I could almost taste it.

  James and I only discussed business and we weren’t spending any unnecessary time together. My spare time was spent at the gym, with or without Cal, and my free time with Cassidy. It was Easter weekend and I was spending it alone. Cal, Jane and Cassidy had gone up to their Dad’s place for the holiday. My own mom had tried to get me to come home, to Atlanta, but I just wasn’t up for a quick trip back. Cassidy was expected home the next day and I was already eager to see her.

  My thoughts were consumed with her, just like they had been all those years ago.

  Sitting just outside my barracks, I was writing Cassidy a letter. I promised her a letter every day. I hadn’t mailed any yet, but I would soon enough. A shadow crept over my letter and I looked up to see Cora’s shapely figure. Her hands were perched on her hips as she smiled at me. Looking down, I rolled my eyes and chastised myself for ever sleeping with her. Clearly, my dick had been doing my thinking for too long. Cora was just a soft place to bury my cock, nothing less, nothing more. Even Cal had warned me to steer clear of her.

  “Welcome back.” When I didn’t respond she whined, “Didn’t you miss me?”

  As I gazed at the letter, I asked her, “What do you want, Cora?”

  “You. I missed you.”

  “Ha! I highly doubt that. Dutch-Boy warms your bed when I’m not in it. Everyone knows that.”

  Before I could stop her, she snatched the letter from my hand. She looked to the letter, then to me, and back again. “Who’s Cassidy?”

  “Give it back, Cora.”

  “Tell me who she i
s.”

  She was bound to find out one way or another. I didn’t think she’d give two shits so I just told her. “My girl.” Reaching my hand out, I ordered, “Now give me back my letter.”

  Hesitantly, she handed it back. “Since when do you have a girl?”

  “Since, I just do. Jealous?” I looked up and saw what looked like worry all over her face. She was jealous. Oh well. She’d get over it.

  A couple of days later Cora cornered me as I was headed to mail my stack of letters to Cassidy. I had decided to mail Cassidy several letters at once, rather than one every day. Ok, so part of it was that I was lazy. Cal was still barely talking to me, telling me how I’d better do right by his baby sister. I had every intention of doing just that. Fucking Cora was the only thing standing in my way, literally.

  “Paul, we need to talk.”

  “Cora, there’s nothing to talk about. I’m not interested.”

  “Are you interested if I tell you there’s a baby?”

  Christ. I hadn’t thought about that day in so long. Granted, everything that had gone down between us all never left my mind, but that day in particular…I never allowed myself to think about it. If I could go back, I would’ve mailed those letters to Cassidy. Instead, I made the worst decision of my life, though at the time I thought I was doing what any good man would do. What Cassidy would expect from a man she loved. Fuck, I was an idiot.

  ~<>~<>~<>~

  Over a week later, I still hadn’t heard from Cassidy. At the gym, with Cal, he’d assured me that she seemed to be fine. That night, after texting Cassidy as I left the gym, I decided to go home and shower. When I got out of the shower and dressed, she still hadn’t responded. I hopped in my SUV and made my way to her place. The lights were on and her mustang sat in the driveway. It was a sweet ass ride, but the license plate—MRSJB3—irked the hell out of me. It was a reminder of every obstacle in my way.

  I really wasn’t trying to encroach on her marriage. She was someone I cared about and so was James. But if he wasn’t going to be the man she deserved, then I would be. Walking up the steps to the door, I knocked and waited. I could hear the music blaring, nothing surprising. The girl liked her music and she liked it loud. I couldn’t fault her for that. She probably couldn’t even hear me knocking. I banged on the door again and waited before turning the knob. It was unlocked and that annoyed me. She knew better even though Ryan’s car was parked out front. Gazing at him he nodded in acknowledgment as I made my way inside.

  Closing the door, I stood and took in my surroundings. I could smell cleaning detergent. She must’ve been cleaning and there was no telling where in the house she was. I let my ears focus on the song playing, immediately recognizing Stabbing Westward. Listening to the lyrics I wondered who she was listening to it for, or if it was just random selection.

  When the song ended, another came on and had me puffing out a sharp breath. Her taste in music could be labeled as schizophrenic. Curiosity got the better of me and I walked to her iPod to find out the name of the song playing. The song was Letters From The Sky by Civil Twilight. I’d never heard of them and when I spotted the title of the playlist—JB3—my gut churned as I set it back down. Her footsteps began thumping down the stairs as I turned to wait for her.

  She jumped when she spotted me. “Hey. You scared me.”

  “Sorry, I knocked a couple times. Figured you couldn’t hear me.”

  Shrugging her shoulders and forcing a smile on her face, she walked to the kitchen and dropped off the cleaning supplies in her hands. Walking to the stereo, she turned down the music before crossing her arms over her chest. She seemed nervous and I couldn’t imagine why.

  “Everything ok?” Her eyes darted to mine as she nodded and I knew she was lying. “No, it’s not.” I sat down on the couch and motioned her to join me. Curling her feet under herself, she sat on the other end. “Spill it.”

  She huffed, “No. I’m good. It’s personal, anyways.”

  Hmm. She clearly didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t want to push her. “Have you eaten?” She answered that she hadn’t and I got up and headed to the kitchen. “You got anything in here to make or should I order take out?”

  “I’m not really hungry.”

  I grabbed the stack of takeout menus from the end of the counter and told her, “Your choice. Anything you want.”

  I looked over to her and she was examining her hands. Something caught my attention on the counter and I picked up the small folded card and opened it up. I felt all the blood leave my face as my hands began shaking. I knew exactly what I was looking at. Was Cassidy pregnant? Did Cal know? I knew immediately that he didn’t because I would’ve heard about it.

  My eyes moved to her and she was stone still, staring at me from across the room. Walking back to the couch, with the card in my hand, I sat down next to her. She wiped a lone tear from her face as I handed it to her. She looked it over momentarily and then placed it on the coffee table.

  “Does he know?”

  “Not yet.” I could barely hear the words as she squeaked them out.

  “Christ.”

  I didn’t know what else to say. My world just came to a screeching halt. Cassidy was pregnant. I knew it was selfish, maybe it was jealousy, because I didn’t want it to be true. I couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going through. They were separated and now she was pregnant and we all knew who the father was. James.

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  Paul and I sat there in silence for a long time. He seemed to know exactly what the card was. I don’t know what kind of reaction I expected from him. I certainly hadn’t planned on him finding out before I told James. Jane and Paul both knew my secret and I had to tell James before anyone else found out.

  “Are you pregnant?” Jane’s question from that night still lingered in my ears.

  How could I have been so stupid? I had been exhausted, puking, and an emotional basket case for days, if not weeks, and that was just the tip of the iceberg.

  Standing in the bathroom at my father’s house, I stared at the stick I’d just peed on. Slowly, I watched as the line appeared on the stick. Pulling out the directions, for what was probably the tenth time, I examined it again. It was just the control line. Chewing my nails, I kept watch of it. I paced the small bathroom before looking at it again. A plus sign appeared in the second window. Grabbing it, I sat down on the toilet and stared at it in disbelief.

  I was pregnant! I was elated. And then like a wrecking ball, my circumstances slammed into me. I was pregnant and on my way to divorce. The room began to spin and I felt the signs of my volatile stomach begin to play again. Turning on the cold water, I splashed my face and took in some deep breaths managing to hold the nausea at bay. Jane was probably getting worried. Grabbing the test, I walked back into the bedroom as Jane smiled at me.

  Jane had gone to my prenatal appointment with me earlier that day. I was a coward and still trying to figure out when to tell James. I think I wanted proof, from more than a store bought test, when I told him. Now I had it. I was so petrified of what his reaction would be. Jane had assured me he’d do the right thing, but that wasn’t what I was worried about. I was worried he would do the right thing, even if it wasn’t what he wanted. And I just wanted him to want the baby and me.

  “When are you due?”

  Paul’s question pulled me from my own thoughts as I said, “December 11th.” He just nodded. “I’m almost through the first trimester and didn’t even know it. I’m an idiot.”

  “Cassidy, you’re not an idiot. You’ve had a lot on your plate.”

  “I know, but isn’t a woman supposed to know these things? Jane’s the one who figured it out, not me.”

  “Well, Jane’s a nurse. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” I couldn’t verbalize my response and just shook my head. “You need to tell him, Cassidy. The sooner the better.”

  “I know.”

  “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “Only if you
can get him to answer my calls, because I’m guessing he won’t.”

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  My voice cracked as I muffled out, “It’s such a mess, Paul. I didn’t want this, not like this. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want me.” Paul pulled me close as I soaked his shirt with my tears.

  “He’s a fool. But you have to tell him. I’ll be here whether he is or not.”

  I woke up a few hours later curled up on the couch, under a blanket. Paul was gone and he hadn’t left a note. I was starving and grabbed the only thing that sounded good. Cocoa Puffs. After I had a bowl, I went upstairs and went to bed.

  ~<>~<>~<>~

  That Friday I was determined to tell James about the baby, especially after some light spotting. I had called my doctor, who told me to take it easy and we scheduled a follow-up appointment for the next Monday. I didn’t want to wait, but he’d assured me my hormone levels were normal and this early in the pregnancy there was nothing to do except wait. I just wanted to get through the rest of the work day. I’d finally conceded to Cecily’s choice to interview Melissa. No other candidates had presented themselves. I had Linda, who I still wasn’t sure I wanted to keep as our receptionist, call Melissa and set up an interview for the following week.

  I had tried calling and texting James a few times and never got a response. Texting Smith, I figured he’d help me and I didn’t really want to involve Paul. Paul already knew too much. Smith answered and I asked him to put James on the phone and James refused.

  “God dammit.” I pulled into the parking garage under the hotel as I unleashed my anger on Smith. “Tell him to stop being a little bitch.” I think I heard him stifle a laugh. “Let him know I’ll be at the penthouse and I’m not leaving until he talks to me. It’s important.”