Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) Page 2

  “Cassidy, come to the office. He’s here.”

  “No, I’ll wait here.”

  Smith continued trying to convince me to go to their office across the street and I refused. It was a private matter and needed to stay that way. I lost signal and dropped the call as I made my way up the elevator. I was relieved to discover that all the codes were still the same and my keycard still worked.

  I walked down the hall to his penthouse and used my key to get in. Opening the door, something felt off. I couldn’t explain it any other way. The faint sound of music drifted through the air. Smith had said that James was at the office. Why was there music playing? Maybe James was here after all.

  “James?” I made my way up the stairs with my purse in my hands and the proof of my pregnancy inside.

  I made my way down the hall toward the bedroom door. The music seemed to be coming from his workout room and as I approached the doorway I saw there was no one in there. Where was he? Turning back toward his room I stopped dead in my tracks. Melissa stood in front of me with a towel wrapped around her. I wasn’t sure which room she walked out of and didn’t care. She was running a towel through her hair and froze in her tracks when she saw me.

  I was so upset that my tongue became paralyzed, thick and numb like I’d just left the dentist. I could feel myself start to shake. What a fool I was! Rushing past her, I headed toward the stairs as her arm reached out and grabbed my wrist.

  “Cassidy, please stop. It’s not what you think.”

  Whipping around to face the skank, words finally found me. “Not what I think? You don’t have any idea what I think.” She moved back half a step as I began screaming at her. “You two whores deserve each other.”

  “Please let me explain.”

  “Explain? Explain what? That his bed wasn’t even cold and here you are warming it again.” It hurt to breathe and all I wanted was to fall to the floor and scream. Instead the words continued to fly out of my mouth. “I don’t know who to be more disgusted with. You’re pathetic.” She seemed to be speechless and I turned and headed for the stairs. “You can forget about the job, too. I won’t be made a fool anymore by you or him.” I had to get out of there before James showed up.

  As my foot hit the first step and then the second I was jerked backwards. Turning, I saw that my purse strap caught on the railing. I wasn’t aware of the tears I was shedding until they ran down my cheeks. Melissa came closer and tried helping with my caught strap as my tears began blinding me.

  “Cassidy!” It was James and then I heard the front door close.

  “Dammit.” I couldn’t clearly see the stairs due to the tears, as I attempted to get down them. My strap gave way right as I tugged on it violently.

  His figure came into view just as my foot missed my intended target. One leg went out in front and the other behind me as I grabbed for the railing. I was unsuccessful at catching myself and the room tumbled around my vision as I rolled down the stairs. Pain seared me and I could hear him calling my name as my back crashed against the stairs and then everything went black.

  Chapter 2 ~ Heartbeat

  ~ JAMES ~

  Refusing to take the call, I listened as Smith laughed at something Cassidy said. He then tried coaxing her to come to the office. As I listened to the conversation I became slightly nervous. Why was she so insistent upon seeing me?

  “Dammit.” Smith put the phone in his pocket and glared at me. “Did you change the codes?”

  “No, why?”

  “She’s at the hotel and headed to the penthouse.”

  FUCK! “God damn that stubborn woman.”

  He glared at me, arms crossed over his chest, “Isn’t this what you wanted? Her to move on.”

  “Not like this.” We both knew if she found Melissa there that it would crush her. I still hadn’t told her that Melissa was staying with me. Cassidy would be heartbroken. Maybe it’s what needed to happen to get her to let go, but why did I feel so sick about it? “I have to stop her.”

  “Why don’t you just admit that you want her? Things would be a lot easier for everyone.”

  “Wanting her has never been the question. You know what she did, what she said. There’s no going back.” Smith was the only person I’d confided in about Cassidy using her safe word on me.

  Smith just shook his head. “You and your stupid rules. Make some new ones. If you love her…”

  I was out of the room before I could hear the rest of what he had to say. Riding down the elevator, I dropped down, my legs bent, and released a guttural groan. How was I ever going to get her out of my head, my heart, and my soul? Loving her from afar was my penance. Maybe Smith was right. What could be so important that Cassidy was willing to wait for me until I showed my face? Maybe she wanted to stop the divorce? I shook the thought from my head. Dreams weren’t something that came my way.

  I opened the door to the penthouse and heard her raised voice coming from upstairs. “Cassidy!”

  The door slammed behind me as I made my way toward the staircase. I glanced at Melissa, in nothing but a towel, fucking perfect, as Cassidy stood at the top of the stairs. I saw it happen even before she was aware of it. Her foot slipped, as she lost her balance her body flung back against the railing as her body tumbled over itself and down the stairs. I was helpless to stop it from happening.

  She landed at the base of the stairs and I carefully gathered her in my arms. “Cassidy, baby are you hurt?” She wasn’t moving or responding to me. No, no, no.

  “James, be careful. You shouldn’t move her.” Melissa was running down the stairs toward us.

  I glared at her, “What did you do?” Looking back down to my angel I pleaded with her, “Talk to me, Blackbird.”

  “James, her purse was stuck, I was trying to help. I promise I didn’t…” Tears were forming in Melissa’s eyes as she shook her head. I knew she hadn’t done anything malicious, I was just lashing out.

  “She’s unconscious. What do I do?”

  Melissa reached into my jacket pocket, took my phone and called 911. I listened as she talked to the operator on the other end. “She’s breathing. Wait, I think she’s waking up.”

  I was stroking the hair back from her face as her eyes fluttered. Groaning, she reached for her head as she made eye contact with me. I knew in that moment that I couldn’t lose her. Cassidy winced and latched on to her abdomen.

  “James, the baby.”

  Her words were like a punch to the gut. The baby? What baby? The tears that had begun to fill my own eyes dissipated as I looked up to Melissa. She stepped away and relayed the message to the operator.

  Looking back down to Cassidy, I asked, “What are you talking about?”

  She started sobbing as she cried out, “I’m pregnant James, and I had to tell you. That’s why I came here.” She spotted Melissa then, almost like she hadn’t realized she was there before. NO, NO, NO. Her eyes darted between the two of us.

  “Cassidy, it’s not what you think.”

  “I think that I’m a fool.” Her eyes left mine as she winced again, trying to move. “I need to get out of here.”

  “You’re not going anywhere, but to the hospital.”

  Could it be true? Was she really pregnant? My heart sped up at the thought of having a child with her. If she thought I was overbearing before, God help her.

  I managed to keep her relatively still until the paramedics came. She wouldn’t speak to me and Melissa had vanished upstairs, and returned, dressed, before they wheeled Cassidy out of the hotel.

  I was about to climb into the ambulance with her when she refused. “No. You’re not riding with me.”

  “Cassidy.” I looked to the paramedic and proclaimed, “I’m her husband.”

  “We’re separated!” She looked to something, more like someone, behind me and I followed her gaze. “You’re a whore.” Looking back to me, she choked out, “I hate you.”

  Melissa hadn’t flinched at Cassidy’s words, but I had. She then han
ded me Cassidy’s purse, the broken strap dangling, before heading back into the hotel.

  “Maybe it’s best if you follow behind.” I nodded at the paramedic and handed him the purse and watched as he set it on Cassidy’s stretcher.

  I watched as she pulled away in the ambulance. She would never hear me out, but I had to try to find a way. Jane. Jane would listen to me and Cassidy would listen to her. She had to. I ran across the street and jumped into my truck, which sat in the parking garage, and started to dial Jane, but decided to wait.

  When I got to the hospital, Cassidy still wouldn’t let me stay with her. She’d insisted that I call Jane, but wouldn’t say another word to me. Stepping outside, I did just that. I called Jane and told her what had happened. Jane confirmed that Cassidy was pregnant, but I still couldn’t process it. Why the hell did Jane know and not me? Jane found me in the lobby a short time later and asked me some questions.

  Sighing, she resigned, “I’ll go back and talk to her. Wait here.”

  Waiting wasn’t something I wanted to do. She had five minutes and I was going back there, whether they liked it or not. Security would have to throw me off the premises.

  Was she really pregnant? I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea. How long had she known? When had it happened? I mentally chastised myself, because the last few times we’d been together, I’d left her before morning. I knew that was a hard limit for her, she’d said so herself. But I wasn’t prepared to unveil all my secrets to her, while she was awake, and that’s what I wanted to do. Staring upon her, asleep and sated, I would talk to her about my demons, unbeknownst to her. I was pushing my luck because I knew eventually she’d feign sleep and hear my secrets, if she hadn’t already.

  I looked at my watch for the third time. Time’s up. Tough shit. I was done waiting. I made my way back to her curtain, which was closed and poked my head in. There was a nurse, doctor, Jane and Cassidy. Her belly was exposed and they were all staring at a small screen.

  “There’s your baby.”

  Cassidy let out a heavy breath as I asked, “It’s true?” The doctor dared to question who I was and I defensively responded that I was her husband.

  Nodding, he pushed a few buttons and the oddest sound filled the air. “And that is your baby’s heartbeat.”

  The doctor said he was going to release her, but Cassidy still wouldn’t talk to me. Jane and I stepped outside where Jane proceeded to cuss me out. I told her the truth, that there was nothing going on between Melissa and me. She was nothing more than a roommate. Jane seemed hesitant to believe me, but that wasn’t my concern.

  Before I could even fathom what was happening, Paul’s voice filled the air around me. “You son of a bitch.” Jane and I turned toward Paul’s voice as his fists met with my chest. “She’s pregnant! What did you do?”

  Shoving him back, I bellowed, “I didn’t do anything. Why are YOU here?” Did he really think I was capable of hurting her?

  “She called me crying.”

  Jane tried stepping between us, ordering, “You guys, stop.”

  “What’s going on?”

  Cassidy walked up to us with her discharge papers in hand. Paul rushed to her side and asked her something, but I didn’t hear what was said. My thoughts became strewn as my temper boiled over at the sight of his hands on her. She didn’t shrug him off and even leaned into him.

  Doubt coursed through me and the words left my lips before I could stop them. “Is it even my baby?” Who was the fool? Me or Cassidy or Paul? Cassidy challenged me with her eyes before I lied and stated, “It’s good to know I’m not the only one fucking around.”

  Paul was beet red. He went to step forward and Cassidy grabbed his arm to stop him. “Well, at least we understand each other.”

  Stubborn fucking woman. Something in her eyes hardened and I believed for a moment that she was lying. She was just being obstinate and wanted to hurt me like I’d hurt her. All thoughts of the baby were pushed aside. Well, fuck her and fuck them if they thought they could play me, whether they were lying or not. I had to leave, not just the premises, the city. Hell, maybe I needed to leave the state. I needed to decompress and sort out my thoughts before my anger took over and someone got hurt.

  Storming off I went home and packed my bags. I didn’t leave a note for anyone and Melissa wasn’t around when I got there. I would find out later that Melissa had moved to the hotel room down the hall while I was at the hospital with Cassidy. Before I headed down to my truck, with my bags packed, I called Cassidy. It rang and rang before going to voicemail. Trying one more time, I was sent to voicemail after two rings. Point taken. Who was I kidding? No one would miss me, anyways.

  ~ PAUL ~

  When we got back to her place, after the scene at the hospital, she went straight upstairs. We hadn’t spoken on the way home. His ringtone began to play through the air and I spotted her purse on the table by the door. She came walking down the stairs in lounge pants and a sweatshirt when the phone began ringing again. Pulling it out of her purse, she hit ignore and sent him to voicemail before turning her phone off.

  A couple nights later, Cassidy was quiet and distant, which didn’t surprise me. I’d packed a few things and was staying in her spare room which also served as a small home gym. I didn’t want her to be alone. The doctors had told her to take it easy, that there was still a chance she could lose the baby.

  It hadn’t even been a full forty-eight hours and no one had seen or heard from James. Smith said we shouldn’t worry, that he’d be back. Cassidy was upstairs taking a nap and I was eating a sandwich on the couch. I heard the faint sound of her footsteps up above. She was in the bathroom.

  I didn’t think anything of it until I heard her cries fill the air. “Paul!” Dropping the sandwich to the plate sitting on the coffee table, I ran upstairs. I found her huddled on the bathroom floor. “It’s gone, the baby’s gone.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She stood up, with some help from me, “Please, take me to hospital.” I just nodded my head as she slipped on some shoes.

  We were headed back to her place a couple of hours later. The doctors had confirmed that she had lost the baby after all. I tucked her into bed that night and kissed her forehead. What could I possibly say or do to make it better for her? James should have been there with her, not me. Even I knew that. I also knew the pain of losing a child, but I imagined it must be different for a woman.

  She grabbed my hand as I started to walk away. “Please, stay. I don’t want to be alone.”

  Nodding, I kicked off my shoes, shirt and climbed under the covers with her, leaving my pants on. There was nothing romantic about what happened. She was in pain and if my presence next to her helped, then I was willing to do it.

  “Thank you for being here.”

  “I’ll always be here. Whatever you need, anything you want, you can count on me.”

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  That Friday, after my miscarriage, I was headed to Cal and Jane’s for our usual pizza night. When I pulled up I recognized several different vehicles. Smith and Paul were both there, a patrol car and Cal’s truck. I couldn’t even imagine what was going on, not after the months of bullshit we’d all been through.

  Walking in the door, the conversation was heated and flowing, my presence unnoticed.

  “It’s been a week since anyone has seen or heard from him. Something’s wrong.” Jane was upset. Paul and Cal seemed disinterested as Jane glared at them. “What is wrong with you two? He could be in trouble!”

  Smith chimed in, “Has anyone talked to Annie?” When no one said that they had, he added, “I’m calling Annie. This isn’t the first time he’s disappeared.”

  James. They had to be talking about James. “He’s missing?” All eyes were staring at me and it was the only answer I needed. “Since when?”

  Jane walked over to me, “No one has heard from him since last Friday, at the hos…”

  Cutting her off, “Why am I just now h
earing about this?”

  “Well, with everything else going on, I didn’t want to worry you.”

  Jane was sweet, but it was just pissing me off. My husband was missing! “So, NOBODY has heard from him?”

  Frank, who I hadn’t noticed until then, came over. “Cassidy, have you heard from him? Anything? A text, a call?”

  My breath caught and I placed my hand on my chest. “Oh, God.” The emotions started seeping up to my chest as I tried to control my voice. Smith interjected then that Annie was on her way over. “He called me that night, twice. I ignored it.”

  Cal then asked, “Did he leave you a voicemail?”

  “No.”

  “With everything going on between the two of you. I can’t believe he just up and left. Wait, yes I can.”

  “Cal, please.” Jane was trying to calm him down when Frank, who was clearly on duty, asked what ‘everything’ was.

  “It’s personal, Frank.”

  “That’s why it’s important you tell me. I’m trying to help, Cassidy.”

  “I’m pregnant, I was.” The look on his face wasn’t lost on me. Paul disappeared outside and Smith just looked at me dumbfounded. He hadn’t known. “I lost the baby. He doesn’t know.”

  “Doesn’t know what? That you…”

  “That I lost the baby.” Jane sat down next to me and tried consoling me as I continued disclosing information to Frank that I didn’t want to. “He found out that day, last Friday.” The real fear penetrated my soul. “Dan, what about Dan? What if Dan got to him?”

  “There’s been no further reports of him in the area.”

  “Yeah, but what if…”

  “If Dan was involved, we’d know. Dan would want us to know.”

  “This is my fault.”

  “This ISN’T your fault, Cass. Don’t you dare blame yourself for this! This is on James.” I loved my brother, even when I didn’t want him to be right.