Fading Away (Anchored Hearts #2.5) Read online

  “Alright you two. That’s enough.” Dad released me, but I stayed burrowed into his side. “I’m hungry. Do you want to come to the cafeteria with us, or can we bring you something back?”

  “No. I’m good. Well, maybe some snacks and some caffeine would be nice to get me through the night.”

  Once they left, a nurse came in to check Cal’s vitals. Nothing had changed and I turned the TV on to help pass the time.

  Chapter Two

  Christmas Eve

  ~ JANE ~

  A day later we were still waiting for Cal to wake up. Cassidy or Dave always sat with him during the day and I took the night shifts. I had to go back to work in a couple of days and I wasn’t sure how I’d handle it if he was still unconscious.

  They removed the breathing tube that day, which was a good sign, but not good enough for me. I was starting to see the change in his body, too. He was losing weight and it was becoming noticeable. He worked out almost every day and he wouldn’t be happy about the muscle he was losing.

  I was trying to remain optimistic, but every hour made it harder. The doctors couldn’t offer any advice, just kept saying that he should wake up any day. I needed him to pull through, I needed him.

  Why had it taken me so long to realize that?

  Christmas morning we gathered together, all praying for our Christmas miracle. But, he didn’t wake up. I had to return to work and began promising Cal anything and everything if he’d just wake up. But it didn’t happen. My medical background was becoming a curse. I knew the longer he remained in a coma the more likely he was to remain there.

  The next evening, I stopped into his room before my shift. Cassidy was heading out and we hugged. Neither of us spoke as we stood at the end of his bed, willing him to wake. I squeezed her hand and looked to her as the tears fell down both our faces. Shortly thereafter, she left and I sat down in the bedside chair.

  People say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. The stress, hurt, anxiety, pressure, and the other things I had lost felt worse than death possibly could. But I couldn’t lose him. I was feeling hopeless, for the place I was at in life, and I knew it would either make me or break me.

  Well, it couldn’t break what was already broken. I was broken and learning to accept that I would probably never be whole again, and that was ok, as long as I had Cal. When he was next to me, the strength I felt was almost enough to make me feel whole once more, if even for just a moment. But he had to wake up.

  My shift that night was uneventful and I got off at my scheduled time and headed straight for his room. He was laying there, like he had been for almost a week. Appearing to be asleep, like nothing was wrong.

  My eye was looking much better and my body wasn’t as sore as it had been, but I was exhausted. Sleep had been restless for me and filled with nightmares. I pulled the chair next to his bed and laid my head down next to him as I held his hand. It was the only place I wanted to be.

  I was dreaming of Cal stroking my hair, imagining how good it felt. We were lying in bed, tangled in one another while drawing lazy circles on each other with our fingers. I didn’t want to wake from the dream, but knew I needed to.

  I didn’t move as I let my eyes adjust to the room. I realized that I wasn’t holding his hand anymore and someone was playing with my hair. My mind had to be playing tricks on me as I stared at the closed door to his hospital room. I couldn’t bear to look at his sleeping face anymore. I wanted to scream at him, and would have if I thought he’d wake up sooner.

  Slowly, I pulled my head up just enough to turn my eyes toward his face. His eyes were looking right at me and he was smiling sweetly. I was losing my mind. Bringing my hands up to my eyes, I rubbed them vigorously. I dropped my head in my hands trying to shake off the misery.

  “Baby doll.” It was barely audible.

  I bolted upright, rubbing my eyes again before I looked at him.

  “Cal, you’re awake! How long have you been awake?”

  His voice was hoarse as he croaked out, “Just a few minutes.”

  I felt the tears falling down my cheeks as I leaned down to kiss him. I cupped his face as I placed kisses all over his whiskers, his eyes, his nose, and forehead.

  “I need to call your doctor.” I went to pull away and he squeezed my hand as tight as he could, and his expression turned into one of concern.

  “Jane, are you ok? Your face? The last thing I remember…”

  “I’m ok. I’ll fill you in, but not right now.” He still looked very grim. “Cal, I promise I’m ok. I’m more than ok. You came back to me and now I have a chance to make things right.”

  “How long have I been out?”

  “Almost a week.”

  “Jesus.” I gave him a quick peck before walking briskly to the nurses’ station.

  About an hour later Cal was sound asleep after several doctors looked him over and checked out various things. They were going to run some tests, but the only thing concerning Cal had been when he could go home. We all told him not to push it, that it would probably be a week or two. He was determined it wouldn’t be longer than a week.

  I called Cassidy and Dave to let them know he was awake. Cassidy stopped by after work and we embraced and observed as more doctors fawned over him. The relief was evident in her body language, like you could see the weight lifted off her shoulders, but she still seemed sad.

  “Cassidy, is everything else ok?” Something else was bothering her. The girl’s emotions were always written all over her face.

  “Oh it’s nothing, I’m sure. It’s just, I’m just worried about James.” She was shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

  “What’s going on?”

  In all the chaos over the past week, I’d never even had a chance to really talk to James about everything that happened like I had planned. He was taken in for questioning, but quickly released given the circumstances. He shot another man and not in battle, and I knew he wouldn’t be ok with that. I started to become anxious for him and I didn’t even know if or what Cassidy knew about his military past and how tumultuous it had been. Who was I kidding? I didn’t know how tumultuous it had been either.

  “He’s just been really distant. I know he’s spending a lot of time with his mom, and I don’t fault him for that, but, there’s just something else going on.”

  “He’ll be ok. He’s been through a lot. Don’t worry. Be patient and try to talk to him about it.” I smiled and she returned it with a smile of her own. Before they left the room, the doctors reminded us about how exhausted Cal would be during his recovery. I gave Cassidy a few minutes with Cal, knowing she needed some time with him.

  I was in the lobby when Dave showed up. He hugged me so vigorously, my feet were swept off the ground. We spent a few hours together watching Cal as he drifted in and out of sleep. James never showed up and I didn’t think anything of it until Dave and Cassidy left.

  Early the next morning I walked into his room to find a food tray with empty containers. My shift had been extremely busy, which I was grateful for because I had been utterly exhausted. Nothing like several crying newborns to wake you up.

  Cal’s nurses told me he’d slept most of the night, but had managed to find time to eat. The fact that he was eating was a great sign. Walking to his bedside I grazed my hand over his forehead and into his hair and he began to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “Rather you than that old bag trying to cop a feel. She’s been threatening to give me a sponge bath all night. I’d rather you give me a bath.” He flashed those dimples and tried grabbing my ass. He was definitely feeling better.

  I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. He must have been referring to Gladys who was his night nurse’s aide. Her bawdiness rivaled my mother’s. Her and I had some pretty funny conversations about Cal, mostly one sided, about her talking of what she’d do with him given the opportunity. She also didn’t shy away from fli
rting with his dad, Dave, who played right along with her. Clearly the apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree.

  “Oh come on. She’s a sweet lady just looking for some fun.” I winked at him, “I think I’ll see if she can squeeze that bath in before her shift ends.”

  He grabbed my wrist before I could walk to the door and pulled me down to him. “The only one bathing me is you!” I giggled into his mouth as he kissed me, happy that his sense of humor was still intact. I helped him sit up and then sat on the end of the bed facing him.

  Reaching my hands under the covers I started massaging his calves. It dawned on me that we hadn’t had more than a few minutes to ourselves since he woke. I was worried about overstepping my bounds, but wanted to hold him so badly. We sat staring and smiling at one another for a little while before he broke the silence.

  “We need to talk, Jane.”

  Oh, shit. Here it comes. I smiled sweetly and waited for him to start talking. We did need to talk.

  ~ CALVIN ~

  I’d never been so happy to see her eyes staring into mine. On the outside she seemed perfectly fine, minus her bruised and scraped face, but I had figured out beforehand that she was a master of hiding her emotions. Even then, she was smiling at me like she didn’t have a care in the world.

  “What happened with Derek?” She just stared at me as the wheels in her head turned. “Jane, I don’t remember much of anything except walking into your room and Derek pointing a gun at me.” She just stared at me as I continued, “I gather he shot me, but what happened before, after?”

  “Um, James showed up with a gun. After you…and James shot him.”

  “Christ. Is he dead?” She just shook her head. “Jail?”

  “He’s in the hospital, in a coma, too. James didn’t have a choice, Derek was about to shoot me so James shot him.”

  How could she have been involved with someone like him? “Jane, you were involved with this guy? Did you suspect he was…” The look on her face told me that she was hiding something. “Tell me!”

  “I didn’t think, well, that he’d do anything so crazy. He’d been calling me and I thought I saw him the night we got the Christmas tree…”

  “WHAT? Jane, I need to know these things.” I was infuriated and my chest began radiating with pain. “Fuck.”

  “Cal, you need to calm down.”

  Machines started beeping and my nurse came running in almost immediately. “What’s going on guys? Calvin? You need to relax.” The nurse, Jessica, grabbed my wrist as she kept an eye on her watch. “You can’t be getting worked up. I need you to take some deep breaths and close your eyes.”

  I drifted off a few minutes later and didn’t wake up until late in the day. Jane left me a note saying she’d stop in before her shift to see me.

  Cassidy spent several hours at the hospital with me before Dad took her home. She was worried about James and I wasn’t sure what to tell her. I was beginning to wonder if he was suffering from some form of PTSD. When we had talked a month prior I had gotten the feeling that he’d been through some rough times during his time in the Army, but he also mentioned that Cassidy hadn’t known he’d served. I had to ask her.

  “Cassidy, has he told you about his time in the service?”

  “What? You know? Why does everyone know but me?”

  “Cassidy, you need to talk to him, but go easy. Not every vet likes to discuss their time in the service.”

  “Smith let it slip. He has nightmares, but he never talks to me about them.”

  ~~~~

  The rest of the day had passed uneventfully. Jessica and an orderly helped me walk to the bathroom. I was confident I wouldn’t need their help, but was wrong when my legs wouldn’t work properly. It was humiliating.

  “You’re doing great. You’ve been immobile for over a week. It’s ok.” Jessica was a great nurse and it helped she was friendly with Jane.

  Jane stopped in before her shift and at my insistence climbed into bed with me. She was exhausted and needed some rest if she was going to function at work. Early in the evening, Cassidy stopped by again with James in tow. Jane was burrowed into my side, fast asleep. I waved them over, but put my finger to my lips requesting they keep quiet.

  I outstretched my free hand to James saying, “Good to see you, man.”

  “Same here. You doing okay?”

  “As good as can be expected. I’ll be happy when I can get out of here.”

  “Knock it off. You’re not going anywhere until the doctors assure us you’re in the clear.” My sister was being a nag and James was getting a kick out of it.

  “Have they said when they think you can go home?”

  “They said a couple weeks, but I’m determined for it to be sooner.”

  Jane woke up, like she knew I was contemplating my escape, scolding me, “Let the doctors and nurses take care of you. There’s no rush for you to get home.”

  “Hush, woman.” I showed her my dimples before crushing my lips to hers.

  “You hush!”

  Jane got off the bed and took James in the hall, giving Cass and me a few minutes alone.

  “You sure you’re feeling ok?”

  “Cass, I’m feeling great. Sore and tired, but I’m good. How are you?” Motioning my head toward the hall, “How’s he?”

  “I don’t know. We haven’t really had a chance to talk about everything. There’s a lot going on with Dan and Melissa.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. But she’s around a lot and I don’t like it.”

  I had a feeling she was holding back and I didn’t have the energy to press her further. I knew James was watching out for her and I had to have faith he would continue to do so. Jane and James walked back in at that time.

  “James, I owe you my life. Thank you.” He seemed surprised at my words as he looked to me as if my thanks wasn’t necessary. “Jane told me what you did for us. I can’t thank you enough.”

  “It’s not necessary. You’d do the same for me.” We shook hands as he told me to get some rest. Cass had a big smile on her face as they left.

  Chapter Three

  New Year’s Eve

  ~ CALVIN ~

  Frank had stopped by that afternoon and he filled me in that Derek had awoken. I was livid and itching to get my hands on him.

  “Just give me five minutes, alone, with him.”

  “I understand brother. If I could, I would. He’s got a guard on him 24/7 and everybody knows what he did to Jane. They won’t let you in to see him for your own good.”

  “Fuck!” I threw the breathing contraption they’d given me across the room. The memory of Jane being held as his shield, bloodied and bruised, had me seeing red. We still hadn’t really had a chance to talk. She had assured me she was ok, but we had to talk about it. We’d never recover properly if we didn’t.

  Cass stopped in that night with cupcakes and other goodies as we waited for James to show up. The later it got, I could tell she was becoming furious, while I was exhausted. If I was going to make it to midnight I needed to get some rest.

  Jane said the words before I could. “Do you want to go grab dinner down in the cafeteria, Cassidy?”

  “What? Oh, umm.”

  “Cass, go have dinner with Jane. I need to get a little rest if you two are insisting on watching the ball drop tonight.”

  “Yeah, okay. If James shows up just tell him we’ll be back.”

  I checked my cell after they left and had a missed call from Paul. He’d left a voicemail and was planning to stop by later in the night. I debated about when and what I should tell Cassidy about Paul being back in town. It wasn’t like they had some tumultuous love affair, besides she was with James. I fell asleep before I had any longer to contemplate it.

  ~ JANE ~

  “So, what’s going on with my brooding cousin?”

  “Brooding, you got that right.” We laughed. “He’s been really off the last few weeks, especially since the shooti
ng.” She caught the cringe that crossed my face and apologized. “Sorry. I know it must be difficult for you, especially with Derek alive.”

  “It’s ok. I have to talk about it at some point. He’s cuffed to the bed with a guard watching him and once he’s stable enough they’ll transport him to county. I know he can’t hurt me anymore.”

  “Does Cal know?”

  “That Derek is alive? Yeah. I told him earlier. He’s happy that he’s alive so that James doesn’t have to live with the guilt of killing a man.”

  She seemed to be mulling something over before she asked me, “Do you know anything about his time in the Army?”

  “Not really. He never really talked about it and I never asked. If he wants to talk about something he will.”

  “Mmm. He never told me he served. Smith let it slip.”

  Taking a sip of my drink, I processed her words. “I’m surprised and not surprised that he hasn’t told you. He was wounded in a pretty bad ambush. He lost almost half of his platoon.”

  “Oh, my God. I had no idea.” She was quiet for a moment before she started to ask me another question. “What…” But she was interrupted by her phone. She scanned it for a moment, a text message I presumed and tossed it back in her purse.

  “That him?”

  “How’d you guess? He’s running late.”

  “You okay?” She nodded, but I knew she wasn’t.

  “I just wish he’d open up. I want to know every part of him, good and bad.”

  I forced a grin and said, “You and your brother are so much alike. James and I grew up in a loving family, but emotions, at least sad ones, weren’t well received. You and Cal welcome all emotions with open arms. It’s refreshing. But you may have to decide if you can handle him being shut off. And he may open up in time. You need to pick your battles.”

  I tried giving her the best advice I could. We all knew I wasn’t one to tell my own secrets and I certainly wasn’t about to spill any more of James’. We caught up on the other things going on in our lives while we finished dinner.